Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza