Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.