Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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