go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.