how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄