Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Damn victory sex feels great
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