Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
