I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
