I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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