Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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