Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
