Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
