I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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