I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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