I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
