it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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