it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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