farters have to be the big spoon...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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