I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
