i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
