when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Randomize
