Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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