Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
