i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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