well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
