so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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