Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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