Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
