I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I still have a little drunk in my system
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
