my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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