It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's never too late to be topless.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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