Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
