dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
