hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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