Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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