I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
