I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
