low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
