I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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