also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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