Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
