Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
