Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
