My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
