And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
