That's when you crack a 10am beer
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
