Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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