4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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