So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
