My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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