Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
