hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
