i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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