I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
