I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
