I just pynch a tree in the face
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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