i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
