Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
