walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
