Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
