3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single