I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched