I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of