something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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