my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Houston, we have a blender
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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