All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
